Sean ‘P. Diddy’ Combs For President

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Tuesday, “An article in U.S. News and World Report this week, friends of Puff Daddy, now known as P. Diddy, claim he may run for President. P. Diddy wants to run for President. How about that, huh? Imagine him as President. Iraq would have to start sending weapons inspectors over here now.”

Santa Changes Name To Compete With ‘8 Mile’

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Monday, “And Eminem’s movie, ‘8 Mile,’ number one. $54 million. The rapper’s movie beat ‘Santa Claus.’ Knocked ‘Santa Claus’ right off the top spot. Yeah. In fact, today, to compete, Santa changed his name to Old Fat Bastard. Santa’s going by his rap name now. Trying to compete with the Eminem thing.”

Snoop Dogg Has Free Time After Giving Up Weed

Conan O’Brien joked during his Late Night monologue on Wednesday, “I mentioned this yesterday, I gotta mention it again. Rapper Snoop Dogg… I like talking about him in that authoritarian voice. Like Tom Brokaw doing the news, ‘rapper Snoop Dogg’. [ Laughter ] Rapper Snoop Dogg has announced he has given up smoking marijuana. Yeah, as a result, Snoop Dogg now has 16 free hours a day. Doesn’t know what to do. He’s reading Nancy Drew books.”

CNN Asks Staffers To Use Hip Hop Lingo

Conan O’Brien joked during his Late Night monologue on Wednesday, “A weird story to start off the show tonight. This is true. It was reported today, actually. It sounds like a joke, but it’s not. Reported that CNN, CNN has instructed its staffers to start using hip-hop and rap phrases on the air in order to attract a more diverse audience. CNN is doing that. True story. That’s a true story, yeah. Yeah. As a result, the show ‘Lou Dobbs Moneyline’ is changing its name to ‘Lou Dobbs Bling Bling’.”

In The Year 2000… ‘P.Renupiddy’

Conan O’Brien had his look into the future segment — In the year 2000 on Thursday. One of his predictions, “After getting engaged, P. Diddy will try to protect his fortune by asking his fiancee to sign a prenuptial agreement or prenup. This ordinary legal transaction will from then on always be known as a ‘P.Renupiddy’.”

Jay Leno On Snoop Dogg’s Announcement

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Tuesday, “Snoop Dogg announced he is abstaining from pot and alcohol. I believe he made the announcement on ‘Ripley’s Believe It Or Not.'”

Triumph The Insult Comic Says He’s Doing Fine

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog issued a statement to his fans on his official website Friday, following his near bust-up with Eminem at the Video Music Awards on Thursday. “I would like all of you to know that I am fine, that the scuffle at the MTV awards involving Eminem, Moby and Eminem’s trusty friend who threw my pooping paper in the air did not result in permanent injury,” Triumph assured fans. “As soon as Christina Aguilera came out, I licked myself as a test and my pink thing was perfectly functional. You will be glad to know that Moby also licked himself and all systems were go.”
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Hip Hop Name Translator

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue about a computer that translates real names into your hip-hop names:

Martha Stewart > Queen Subpoena
Anna Nicole Smith > Busta Couch
Hugh Hefner > Really Old Dirty Bastard
Disgraced Congressman James Traficant > Toupe Doggie Dog
Winona Ryder > Li’l Klepto
Robert Blake > Busta Cap in Her Ass
Ben Affleck > J. Lo Rider
Kevin Eubanks > Hand Master Flash

MTV’s New Show Follows Rappers

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Tuesday, “MTV has a new show coming out called ‘Crashing With’ which follows different rap stars around. Doesn’t FOX have a show that follows rap stars around? It’s called ‘Cops.’

Leno Jokes About Bow Wow Dropping Lil’

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Friday, “15-year-old rapper Lil’ Bow Wow — has legally changed his name, dropping the Lil. He says he’s getting older now, and it doesn’t make any sense anymore. And besides, Bow Wow is so much more dignified, really, than Lil’ Bow Wow.”

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