Sponges Can Cause Pregnancy

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Friday night, “Hey, you know those contraceptive sponges they say will stop pregnancy? Well, now doctors say some sponges can cause pregnancy. But enough about Kevin Federline. Let’s move on.”

Snoop Dogg Arrested

Snoop Dogg 'Tha Blue Carpet Treatment'

Conan O’Brien joked during his Late Night monologue on Thursday night, “Last night at London’s airport, Snoop Dogg and six members of his posse were arrested after they got into a fight with police. Yeah. Two officers sustained injuries, and 15 were hospitalized for smoke inhalation. They weren’t complaining either.”

Snoop Dogg Writing A Novel

Snoop Dogg 'Tha Blue Carpet Treatment'

Conan O’Brien joked during his Late Night monologue on Tuesday night, “The other day, Snoop Dogg announced that he is writing a novel. [Laughter] Yeah, Snoop Dogg’s writing a novel. Snoop says he can’t wait to buy a copy of the book, hollow it out and use it to store weed.”

K-Fed Likes To Play Album For Baby Son

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Tuesday night. “Britney Spears’ husband, Kevin Federline, said in an interview that he likes to play his new rap CD for their baby. You know what that means, another visit from the child protection people. Actually, good news today. Did you hear about this? Britney Spears’ baby took his first steps today. The bad news, he walked to the liquor store and bought cigarettes.”

Federline Intros New CD In Vegas

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Friday night, “Kevin Federline is hosting a listening party tonight in Vegas at the club Pure to premier his new CD. Introducing his CD in Vegas. Yeah. I think it’s a classic case of what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

K-Fed In Trouble With Thomas Dolby

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Tuesday night, “Britney Spears’ husband, Kevin Federline or ‘K-Fed’ as he calls himself — now in trouble for sampling the ’80s song ‘She Blinded Me With Science’ by Thomas Dolby without permission. Dolby is very upset about this. Luckily, since it’s on Kevin’s CD, no one would hear it.”

K-Fed Loses An Hour Of Sleep

Conan O’Brien joked during his Late Night monologue on Friday night, “This weekend, I don’t know if you’re aware of this, daylight savings time goes into effect. So we lose an hour of sleep. [Boos] Yeah. Or as Kevin Federline calls it, ‘The worst day of the year’.”

Master P Charged

Carson Daly joked during his ‘Last Call’ monologue on Friday, “This is kind of sad, Master P was charged with carrying an unregistered weapon the day after appearing on the finale of ‘Dancing With The Stars’. Of course, the only reason he had the gun was to shoot himself for appearing on ‘Dancing With The Stars.'”

Leno Hopes Three 6 Mafia Doesn’t Sell Out

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Tuesday night, “Well, as you know by now, the Academy Award winner for best song was “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp’. Now, if you heard it, see, it’s a cool song ’cause it really ties in with the movie. See, I just hope they don’t sell out. You know what I’m saying? Like, six months from now, you don’t want to hear that tune in a Red Lobster commercial. You know? It’s hard out here for a shrimp between the steak and the lobster surf and turf… You know, I talked about this last night. You know, the rap stars always thank God. They sing about bitches and hos and then they thank God. See, it’s the opposite with TV evangelists. Like, Jimmy Swaggart, who praise God and then hang out with bitches and hos. … Well, that’s pretty amazing. Yanni — did you ever think you’d see the day when a rap group would win the Academy Award and Yanni gets arrested for slapping around his woman?”

Orchestra Didn’t Play Out Three 6 Mafia Too Quickly

Three 6 Mafia rap

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Monday night:

Are you like me this morning, on the way to work humming that happy tune, ‘It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp’? How about when Three 6 Mafia won for — they won for that song. The orchestra didn’t play them off too quickly. ‘Oh, go ahead, guys. Take your time out there. Don’t worry about it.’

This is kinda funny, though. You had to see it. You had the most fortunate, lucky people on earth. They’re on stage for 3 1/2 hours thanking everyone they can think of. The only people who thanked God were the rappers who just sang ‘It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp’.

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