LL Cool J On Late Night With Conan O’Brien

was on Late Night with Conan O’Brien on Friday to promote his new film ‘Deliver Us From Eva’, talk about his kids, his album ’10’, and his name. Conan even got LL to admit that his last film ‘Rollerball’ sucked. Read on for a transcript.

Conan: Please welcome, our friend, LL Cool J.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Conan: Thanks for being here.

LL Cool J: What’s up, America?

Conan: The state of the show is good, if you are here, my friend.

LL Cool J: Thank you very much.

Conan: Because ladies love cool J.

[ Cheers and applause ]

LL Cool J: Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

Conan: That is so amazing that you gave yourself that name and it stuck.

[ Laughter ] That’s the smartest thing. What’s your name going to be? Ladies Love Cool J.

LL Cool J: Hate me, please.

Conan: Yeah, exactly.

LL Cool J: Yeah, it was a dream and, you know.

Conan: That’s genius.

LL Cool J: They love cool Conan.

[ Laughter ]

[ Cheers and applause ] They love cool Conan.

Conan: Not the same, quite.

LL Cool J: Oh, they love cool Conan.

Conan: Yeah, right. Yeah. No, no, no, Conan’s been more of a struggle for me. Ladies love cool J. That would have changed my life if people were — if I had that name, people would just be like, “if that’s his name,
it must be true.” You know?

LL Cool J: We would hope so.

Conan: Now, you have — let me see if I can — you have four children, is that right?

LL Cool J: Ladies love cool J.

[ Laughter ] Yeah, yeah, I have four kids.

Conan: All right. How many girls? How many boys?

LL Cool J: You mean, how many mothers?

[ Laughter ] I’m teasing. I’m teasing. One mother, one mother. I’m teasing. I’m teasing.

Conan: You’re off my state of the show now.

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: One son, three daughters.

Conan: Okay. Now, do any of them want to rap? Has anyone said they want to rap?

LL Cool J: My son, he wants to rap, but he’s a little funny, because he’ll leave a note on my nightstand. Like how funny is that, a son leaving his father a note? “Dad, please write me a rap, but don’t mention anything about school or god.”

Conan: Right, right.

[ Laughter ] That’s so funny, because most rappers, they draw on their tough life experiences and what’s happened to them. And like a little ki– what’s a little kid going to write a rap song about? You know what I mean?
It’s such a strange concept.

[ Speaking in bratty voice ]

LL Cool J: “You make me do my homework, and that’s not fair.”

[ Laughter ]

Conan: Yeah, yeah. “I’m not a cuckoo head.” Goes right to the top of the charts.

[ Speaking in bratty voice ]

LL Cool J: “Oh, don’t touch me.” Kids are funny.

[ Laughter ] Kids are funny. Mm.

Conan: That’s not a good rap song there. Stop doing that.

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: It was a hit. Wasn’t that a hit? There was a hit like that.

Conan: Oh, there was?

LL Cool J: Absolutely.

Conan: So anyway, he already wants to be a rapper.

LL Cool J: Oh, you’ve never heard it?

Conan: No.

LL Cool J: Yeah, he wanted to be a rapper, yeah.

Conan: I’ve heard a lot of rap tunes, but I never heard, “oo-oo-ooh.”

[ Laughter ] Isn’t that like Jerry Lewis?

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: Master P.

Conan: Oh, okay, there you go. Shows you what I know. You wrote a children’s book, speaking of children, and it’s called “and the winner is.”

LL Cool J: “And the winner is.” Yeah, “and the winner is,” and I just
felt like, you know, I make the music, and you know, god has blessed me, and a lot of good things have happened in my life. Why not do something positive and write a book for 8, 9, 10-year-olds, you know, that can just encourage them to do something right? Teach them not to be aggregate. Aggregate? The aggregate stumble.

Conan: Yeah, right.

LL Cool J: Arrogance. Teach them not how to be arrogant. Teach them, you know —

Conan: Teach them not to be arrogant.

LL Cool J: Yeah.

Conan: Your last album was called “the greatest of all-time.”

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ] Wait a minute.

LL Cool J: No, n n no, no, no.

Conan: Ll cool j is here to tell you kids not to be arrogant. “First
of all, I’m the best that ever lived!”

[ Laughter ] “The best that ever lived.” Yeah, my hair comes to life when I get angry.

LL Cool J: Damn.

[ Laughter ]

Conan: My hair is the best there ever is.

[ Laughter ] The best that was ever combed. Rappers fear my hair.

[ Laughter ] Woo, woo.

LL Cool J: Cut it up, Conan.

[ Laughter ]

Conan: Maybe that would be a big hit in the club if I was out there shaking my hair around.

LL Cool J: You know what, you’d be a big hit at the metal banging joint, I know that.

Conan: I’d love that. I was thrown out, yeah.

LL Cool J: No.

[ Laughter ]

Conan: Long story. So that’s the —

LL Cool J: You were clothed, weren’t you? I can see you naked like —

Conan: What?

LL Cool J: — You’re dancing.

[ Laughter ]

Conan: Wait a minute. You’re staring at me and picturing me naked?

LL Cool J: Absolutely. It’s not a pretty picture.

[ Laughter ]

Conan: I see myself naked a lot, and no, it is not a pretty picture,

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: Now that we’ve cleared that up.

Conan: Yes, please stop fantasizing about me during the segment.

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: Yes, I will try my best to stop fantasizing about you.

Conan: So you write this book, and you’re trying to get the kids to
be humble.

LL Cool J: Yeah, it just teaches them — you know, little kids — after you win your little league game, don’t put your cleat in joey’s face.

[ Laughter ] “Joey, I won. Joey, you lost.”

Conan: If only someone had told me that when I was a kid.

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: Kind of like that kind of thing.

Conan: You know what I love is they have these great —

LL Cool J: Animated.

Conan: It’s a photo of your body, and then it’s a — I mean, it’s a
photo of your face.

LL Cool J: Yeah.

Conan: But then it’s an animated drawing of the body.

LL Cool J: Yeah.

Conan: But look at the muscles you gave yourself. That is pretty amazing. Check those out right there.

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: You know, self-image. You know, self-image.

Conan: Look at that.

[ Laughter ] I can just see you there standing over the illustrator,
like, “no, no, no, more, more.”

[ Laughter ] “Come on, pump me up here.”

LL Cool J: I actually did that.

Conan: Did you really?

LL Cool J: No.

Conan: Okay.

[ Laughter ] But so this new album — let’s talk about the new album.

LL Cool J: Nope.

[ Laughter ] That’s not what I’m here for.

Conan: I’ve never met a guy who didn’t want to promote his album. That is the most amazing thing. You don’t even want to mention that you have a new album?

LL Cool J: Yeah, I have a new record. It’s called “ten.” Actually J.Lo and myself have a new single out right now. It’s called “all I had,” and it’s doing well. And hey, the record’s good. And it’s also clean. It’s profanity free, and it’s not arrogant, Conan.

Conan: Right.

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: It is not arrogant. It’s not aggregate.

[ Laughter ] It’s not aggregate. It’s not an aggregate album.

Conan: All right, so you got rid of — you got rid of all — is that hard to do to have no profanity? Does it feel like it’s going to slip in here and there? Do you have to do a lot of different takes?

LL Cool J: No, you know why? Because at the end of the day, in America, all the records on the radio, they have no profanity in them anyways.

Conan: Right, right.

LL Cool J: So I just said, you know, why even do it? Why even pour that in the kids’ minds? Why not just keep it clean?

Conan: That’s a good thing. That’s a very good thing.

[ Applause ] You know, I’m just looking at — as always, because this is what you always do, you have yourself — you have no shirt on.

[ Laughter ] There you are.

[ Cheers and applause ] And then I open up the album, and I’m looking through, and there’s like 40 shots of you at the bakery and everything
with no shirt on.

[ Laughter ] Doing my taxes. You know?

[ Laughter ] Do you ever think to yourself — ?

LL Cool J: Homework.

Conan: No, but you’re a guy — clearly, you work out, so you’re not afraid.

LL Cool J: Ll go shopping.

[ Laughter ]

Conan: But you’re not afraid to take your shirt off, but the problem is that it’s a scary precedent because, at some point, as you get older
— do you know what I mean? Do you ever feel like later on, you go to —

LL Cool J: Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-oo-oo.

Conan: Yeah. I mean, 15 years from now, this could be your album cover. Take a look at this right here, and this is a scary idea.

[ Laughter and applause ]

LL Cool J: You sure that’s not from six months ago?

[ Laughter ] It’s like before I started work. No, I’m going to stick
with this. I’m okay on this. I’ll stick with this.

Conan: No, no, no, okay, so that’s the thing. You have to keep in shape.

LL Cool J: That was a very manly photo you had of me, Conan.

Conan: Well —

LL Cool J: Can we see that photo again?

[ Laughter ]

Conan: No, you don’t want to do that. Oh.

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: Like an animal.

Conan: Stop rubbing yourself, please.

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: It feels good. Late night. Hey, hey, hey.

[ Laughter ] Hey, hey.

Conan: I thought you might need a — I didn’t know.

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: Hey.

Conan: This show has gone off the rails.

[ Laughter ] We started with our big state of the show, and now, it’s completely off the rails.

[ Unintelligible ]

Conan: What?

LL Cool J: No, I’m teasing.

Conan: Oh, okay, then.

LL Cool J: Yeah, okay.

Conan: You caused — you recently spoke at Howard University.

LL Cool J: Yeah, spoke at Howard and —

Conan: And there was a riot. The women went crazy. Tell us what happened. And first of all, I sympathize.

[ Laughter ] ‘Cause I know what it’s like to be objectified that way.

[ Laughter ] Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing? Inside joke? That’s a statement of fact.

LL Cool J: Yeah, I know this. I know this. I’ve seen you in action,

Conan: Thanks, buddy. But you went and the women just went —

LL Cool J: I’ve seen your entourage.

Conan: Thank you.

LL Cool J: You do nicely.

Conan: Yeah. Those are people I owe money to.

[ Laughter ] So the women just went nuts. The women went crazy.

LL Cool J: It was a lot of fun, you know? It was a lot of fun, you know, Conan?

Conan: But tell me, what do you do — like when you perform, the women, they rush you on stage.

LL Cool J: Yeah, a lot of things come on stage. A lot of young ladies come on stage. A lot of different things happen.

Conan: And then they like charge you. Do you ever get afraid? I mean, do you ever fear for like your safety, or are you just sort of enjoying the attention?

LL Cool J: You know what? When you’re caught up in the moment performing, you don’t think about it, but when a girl is 450 pounds running at you —

[ Laughter ]

Conan: And she’s on a — yeah.

LL Cool J: Kind of like Warren Sapp with extensions kind of. Ooh.

Conan: Right. So you’ve been slammed a few times?

LL Cool J: I get slammed every now and then, you know?

Conan: I understand.

LL Cool J: But you know, I slam back.

Conan: All right.

LL Cool J: So it’s cool.

Conan: Very nice. “Deliver us from eva.”

LL Cool J: “Deliver us from eva” is a romantic comedy. Its my first
leading role.

Conan: See, I find that hard to believe. You know?

LL Cool J: Yes, it is.

[ Applause ]

Conan: You’re a good-looking guy. You got a lot of charisma. And you’ve done work in film. Why did it take so long to get a leading role?

LL Cool J: You know, it takes time. It takes time in hollywood. It takes time to get people to the point where they really believe you can, you
know, carry a film, and quite frankly, portray that character. And a lot of people, because I make music a lot of times, they don’t — they’re not sure. Can this guy really act? Is he serious about acting? Will he have the chops to bring this role and really entertain me as an actor on screen? So it took a little time, but it’s my first leading role in a romantic comedy. It’s a color blind story, so it’s in black and white. I’m kidding. It’s a color blind story.

[ Laughter ]

Conan: Oh, good, the old films are back.

[ Laughter ] Ll cool j walking around like chaplin.

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: It’s a really fun story. It’s actually — you know, I get
paid $5,000 to take this girl out that everyone hates. They want to get her out of their hair. So I kind of slide in there and kind of take care of things in a deep way. It’s a really funny, funny movie.

Conan: That sounded disgusting.

[ Laughter ] Did you — that’s the weirdest movie review I ever heard.

[ Laughter ]

LL Cool J: Let me clarify.

Conan: All right.

LL Cool J: Let me say it a little clearer. Eva is a woman who is super — she’s incredibly domineering. She controls her sisters’ relationships
to the point where they can’t even have sex with their husbands without her interrupting. She’s in every part of their life. And the in-laws get so upset with eva, that they go out and hire this guy who’s a player. They pay him $5,000 to come in and speak it to eva so she’ll leave them alone.

Conan: That’s a setup of a movie! That’s a movie setup!

[ Cheers and applause ] That’s a movie setup!

LL Cool J: Thank you.

Conan: You know, when I ask a lot of celebrities to explain their movie, they always go —

[ Speaking gibberish ]

LL Cool J: Because we don’t know what it’s about. We never know what it’s about. You do it a year ago, and you’re sitting here. You’ve seen the movie. It might suck.

Conan: Right, right.

LL Cool J: Lie to america.

[ Laughter ] “Yeah, I really liked the movie. My movie’s fantastic.”
You go, “he’s lying. The movie sucks.”

[ Laughter ] This is a difficult position.

Conan: Yeah, I understand. This is very easy.

LL Cool J: But I happen to like this one.

Conan: All right.

LL Cool J: So it’s okay.

Conan: That’s good. This one doesn’t suck.

LL Cool J: Yeah, I’ve sat here before and lied to america, conan.

[ Laughter ] The movie sucks.

Conan: Really?

LL Cool J: “Rollerball” sucks.

[ Laughter ]

[ Cheers and applause ] This movie is good. This one’s good.

Conan: That’s great. That’s great. You see, you’re winning these fans over because you’renest

LL Cool J: Well, it is what it is.

Conan: We have people here — we have celebrities that come here, and they never fess up.

LL Cool J: Oh, of course.

Conan: Yeah.

LL Cool J: Of course.

Conan: Schwarzenegger will come in and go —

[ Imitating hwarzenegger “no,enend of days’ was really good.”

[ Laughter ]Imatg schwarzeneer ] “You can go get it on dvd.”

[ Speaking gibberish ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Speaking gibberish ] ‘Cause if he just came out, he’d be like —

[ Imitating schwarzenegger ] “All right, what do you want from me?”

[ Laughter ] Whatever. Everyone would leave him alone. So that was good. That was great.

LL Cool J: Thank you.

Conan: “Deliver us from eva.”

LL Cool J: “Deliver us from eva.” That’s her name, eva.

Conan: That’s what I just said.

LL Cool J: Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

Conan: “Deliver us from eva” opens next friday. Ll cool J. It’s always great having you here.

LL Cool J: Conan!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Conan: He’s a good guest.

LL Cool J: Conan! America!

Conan: We’ll take a break. We’ll be right back.

LL Cool J: Boise, Idaho!

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